I have decided to become an ultra-conservative. I am going to start my own ultra-conservative movement. It is going to be so-o-o-o-o-o conservative I am going to name it the GREEN Tea Party. One of the first proposals I am going to submit to lawmakers will outline the steps one must follow to obtain a prescription for those medications that treat and improve Erectile Dysfunction.
I am going to ask that these requirements be mandatory and rigorously enforced. You see, I just don't like my tax money going to pay for the outrageous antics/sex life of all those promiscuous male sluts out there. After all, many of our conservative Tea Party have set the bar high enough to say that sex is for procreation only.
To that end, here is what I will be submitting:
1. Males asking for a prescription for the treatment of the nefarious condition known as ED will have to present a signed, notarized statement from their urologist attesting to the fact that they do suffer from ED. A signed, notarized statement from the wife saying she is aware of the condition and it is interfering with her right to bear a child will be kept on file in the urologist's office and the pharmacy. A notarized copy of a marriage license and two forms of government issued, picture IDs for both husband and wife will be kept at the urologist's office, the OB/GYN's office and the pharmacy at all times, and made available for DEA inspection on demand.
2. In order for the urologist to ascertain the existence of ED, and to be consistent to laws re: women's health care presently in force in several states and impending in others, the patient is required to undergo a trans-penile cystoscopy as well as a trans-rectal ultrasound of the prostate to make sure there is no underlying cause for the ED. These will be performed without anesthesia or conscious sedation as a means of ascertaining that the man really needs/wants the prescription. If the man feels these procedures are too invasive, he can just relax and close his eyes while they are being performed.
3. In agreement with present Arizona law, and pending legislation in other states, if the above tests, along with a complete physical examination, reveal that sexual activity and parenthood would result in a health risk for the man, the urologist is under no obligation to inform his patient of the possible consequences. The urologist may inform the wife, who will have the sole responsibility to inform her husband. This is in order not to worry the husband's pretty little head about these things.
4. The patient will need to present a handwritten, notarized statement from the wife, along with a certificate from her OB/GYN, that she is within the child-bearing years. As part of the wife's documentation there must be proof there is no physical reason she cannot have a child, such a primary infertility; secondary infertility due to past surgical procedures; or premature menopause. We don't consider her health risks, as they are of no concern.
5. Each time the patient needs a refill on his medication he will have to present documentation that the medical condition is ongoing and his wife has not conceived in the previous month. His wife will have to present herself also to the pharmacy, so that the pharmacist can ascertain visually that she is not pregnant.
6. All prescriptions for ED will become null and void in any one of the following events.
A. Any of the above required documentation is found to be fraudulent.
B. The wife becomes pregnant.
C. Either partner decides to remain celibate so as not to risk pregnancy.
D. Either partner becomes physically or mentally unable to achieve pregnancy.
E. The man is found in a compromising situation with another woman.
F. There is a divorce or legal separation. I don't want to pay for some old wannabe stud
running around trying to prove he still has what it takes.
Of course, since it is not the taxpayer's job to feed, clothe, house, or educate, children other than their own, insurance companies and businesses may choose not to provide coverage for treatment of ED. No Government funding may be used to treat ED.
And that is Miss PittyPat's truth (rant) for the day.
